Marketplace

What do you think of my story?

OK I’m ten. I wrote this story, and I was hoping ya’ll could tell me what you think. I’ll have to put some of the story here, and answer this with some more of it, probably.

Meet me at the open gate by Farmer Crow’s stables.
~ Tina
*****
It was a quiet evening. All I could hear was the whispering of the autumn breeze and the crickets rubbing their legs together. I sighed as a dark figure emerged from the shadows.
‘Cookie,’ I breathed. ‘You came.’
‘Why wouldn’t I, honey? I’ve already promised I would.’ he replied, leaning in to touch his lips to mine. ‘Tina, I’ve been thinking.’
‘About?’ I prompted.
‘About- Queen Snickerdoodle.’
‘What about her?’ I asked.
‘What if she banishes us both? You’ve already been sent to jail once, and I’m her high duke! We have no money with which to make a new life in any other country, and her Majesty seems… tense. I think she suspects something is up.’
‘You worry too much. We’re two healthy young men. Even if we’re banished, and there’s no chance of that happening, we’ll pull through.’ I chuckled. ‘Come on. I set a toasty fire in an old schoolhouse,’ I said with a mischievous grin.
*****
‘Sirius, do you think I’m being too distrustful?’
‘Haven’t we been through this before, Snickerdoodle? You don’t really have proof that Cookie has been visiting Tina- or anyone else, for that matter. I would say go with your gut, but it’s so empty right now it’s hardly reliable.’ he stated with a laugh. ‘Let’s go get some dinner at that restaurant a block away. We can walk there.’
‘That sounds nice,’ I sighed. ‘Let’s go.’
*****
‘Mmm… Cookie?’
‘Yes?’
‘What’s that smell?’
‘Bacon.’
‘Oh.’
I got up out of the toasty bed reluctantly, cricked my back, and padded over to the apparent makeshift stove- he was holding a frying pan over the hot coals.
‘Shouldn’t your apron say “Kiss the Cook”?’ I teased, giving him a peck on the cheek.
‘You wish.’ he smiled.
‘Now then. You’re worried about not having money if we’re banished, correct?’
His smile vanished in seconds. ‘Yes.’
‘Well, doesn’t the queen pay you?’
‘Yes, but I’m paid in Shorts, our currency.’
‘Well, it just now happens to be that I have a friend who travels the world. And she can trade out our Shorts for whatever currency we’d need.’
‘Okay, but… we would have to know the language! And we can’t just study Spanish, go to Germany, and be perfectly fine!!!’
‘I’ve got that down too. Translators.’ I explained, taking them out of my pack. ‘Just twiddle the dial, wear it like a hat, and all your thoughts -and other people’s words- are translated.’
‘Hmm. You really are prepared. But, clothes! What will we wear to blend in?!’
I sighed and shook my head. ‘We’ve got the money already, remember? We can buy clothes. You worry too much. And the bacon is getting burnt.’ I whined.
‘Ugh. I’m having a stress fit and all you can think about is your belly. Which seems… rounder than usual.’
I looked down. He was right. ‘Oh well. We can get some exercise walking to the marketplace.’ I shrugged carelessly.
*****
‘That restaurant we ate at last night, was good.’ I commented.
‘Well, Snickerdoodle, I think we know, seeing as you ordered, not seconds, not thirds, not fourths, but fifths.’ he laughed.
‘Well, we’re the king and queen, plus we have two kids. We need our energy. Anyhow, I suppose we should get out of bed now.’ I groaned.
Sirius sat up. The sight of his bare chest made me lay my head in my hands and go into a drool. I could not believe how sexy my husband really is.
‘Earth to Snickerdoodle!’ smirked my husband. ‘Wake up!’
‘Hmm, what?’ I asked, looking around. ‘Uh… the answer is four!!’ I panicked.
That just made his grin all the more pronounced.
‘Er… uh…’ I stuttered, hiding my chagrin by checking the schedule. ‘You have to meet Captain Ardenor by the Yesterday dock -today, of course- for a discussion about a rumor.’
‘What rumor is that again?’
‘The one that Milkesguud is going to invade Pleasetakeme.’ Pleasetakeme is our town.
‘Ah…’
‘Yeah. And I still have to talk to Tag.’
‘Tag who?’
‘Tag Bieber. Have you forgotten her already? And the local chefs. We’re having a Mardi Gras celebration and we need Tag and the chefs to make lots and lots of those man-catching beignets!’ I laughed.
Sirius did too. ‘Alright then. I suppose we’d better get dressed.’ He looked down.
‘You do that. I’m fresh out of clean clothes, so I’m calling Maid Skittilic.’

OK tell me what you think and I’ll answer this with the rest, too.
‘Yes, ma’am. Yes, ma’am. I’ll be right there.’ I replied. I put down the pipe-phone-thingy.
I put on my work clothes. As I retraced the Chamber-to-Laundry-to-Queen’s Chamber route in my head, I wondered if I should pick up her fine dress, with all the trappings, or her plain outfit, sturdy and comfortable. I decided to get to the laundry room and call her by the pipeline set there. I could see my friend Jake carrying a basket of freshly ironed socks given to him by Delaney.
‘Hey, Jake!’
‘Yo!’ He waved to me, almost dropping his basket of ironeds.
‘Jake, I don’t really have a lot of time to chat. I need to bring the queen an outfit.’
‘That’s okay. I can’t really stop now either.’ he said with a grin.
‘But before I get her clothes from Delaney’s, I’m reading this book, and it’s super good!!!’
‘Oh, really? What’s it called?’ asked my friend.
‘Well, see, it is called Midnight Magic. And then I’m going to read it’s sequel, Astonishing Afternoon. And all the books in the series! Inc
-luding One in the Morning Wonders, and Afternoon Apparitions!’
‘Wow. What is Midnight Magic about?’
‘Well, it’s about this kid named Fabrizio. And he’s the magician Mangus’s assistant. And Mangus gets called to the castello, and King Claudio says for him to free his daughter from a terrifying ghost!’
‘Sounds neat. Can I read it when you’re done?’
‘Fo’ shizzlin’ totalliez, my homo homie!’
‘Hobo? I’m not a hobo!’
‘I said homo. Gay, remember?’
‘Oh. Okay.’
I just sighed and smiled. ‘So how’s it been, moving in with your new husband- Jeremiah, wasn’t it?’
‘Totally rad! Especially because there’s only one bathroom, with only one shower!’ he giggled.
‘Well, I know it’s your honeymoon, but couldn’t you take turns?’
‘Not on the tight schedule we’re on. We still have a few more Shorts to go before we can spend anything on extras. We’re going with the bare essentials. In fact,’ Jake dropped his voice so only I could hear. ‘We’ve been stealing food from the kitchens.’
I gasped. ‘Oh,
be careful! If the guards found out…’
‘We aren’t really that worried. Anyways, you should get going.’
‘Oh yeah! Nice talking to you, Jake.’
‘Bye!’
*****
‘Ugh! Where is that Maid Skittilic?’ I frowned. ‘It has been over TEN MINUTES, and she should be here by now!’
Suddenly, a jingling bell noise came from the pipeline stationed in my room. ‘Yes?’
‘Hello ma’am. It’s Maid Skittilic and I was wondering, do you need your fancy dress or sturdy dress?’ the voice of my maid inquired.
‘Oh, I’ll be needing my sturdy dress, dear. All right, thank you! Good-bye!’
*****
‘Oh, ugh, ouch! Watch where you put those pins!’ I shouted, throwing a dirty look at the pin M’ Zelda had just pulled out of my butt- for the seventh time.
‘Sorry, hon, but that’s what happens when you go to a tailor’s shop and request a new suit. Hmm,’ she said, suddenly deep in thought. ‘Your waist is bigger ‘round than when I last saw you, Tina. Quite a few inches difference…’
‘Are you calling me fat?’ I growled.
‘
*****
‘Delaney?’ I heard a familiar voice say. ‘Are you in, Delaney?’
‘Yes, Skittilic, come on in.’ I greeted. ‘How are you?’ I asked without looking up.
‘Great, thanks. But her Majesty Queen Snickerdoodle needs a sturdy dress- she’s out of clothes and is going to have tea with her first advisor, Tag.’
‘Ahh… I have just the thing!’ I exclaimed. ‘How’s this?’
‘Perfect!” exclaimed my friend. “I’ll take it.’
*****
‘Ardenor! How are you today?’ I bellowed to the captain standing on the dock.
‘Fine, your Majesty!’ he replied with a bow.
I walked over to him. ‘What shall we do?’ I asked in a hushed voice.
‘Well, it’s tough. A nasty catch-22. See, we have two rumors. They’re only rumors, they might not even be true. We think Milkesguud will attack us from the River Soukitte on this side.’ he explained, tracing the path with his finger on the map. ‘However, people also say that Bishygount is coming at us from this side.’ he traced another way on the opposite side. ‘We’ll have to set
(this was "Are you calling me fat?"…)
‘Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no! Heavens, no! I’m just saying that you got slightly rounder in the past few months.’ M’ Zelda smiled and laughed quietly. Then she got a glazed look in her eyes, as she stared off into space. I recognized this look at once. See, before M’ Zelda became a tailor -and a very good one, at that- she practiced, not witchcraft, but like, good witchcraft. No evil spirits or anything. If she gets a glazed over look in her eyes, it means she’s getting a vision, she’s seeing what will happen in the future. Like in that stupid show, “That’s So Raven”, or like Alice in the totally awesomeness book series Twilight.
‘What did you see?’ I asked worriedly.
‘I saw… why your stomach is so round and bulging. What’ll you name her?’ she questioned suddenly.
N- n- name her?’ I asked feeling weak-kneed. ‘It can’t be, I’m a boy, for Pete’s sake!’
‘That’s what I saw, hon.’ she explained simply.

I like your writing, but…

I never expected a 10-year-old to be writing about these things…